my husband is driving my daughter away

This can cause a lot of tension in the family. Your daughter may feel like you deserve to be happy and, as a result, may want you to leave your husband if hes not making you happy. Also hi BGM. If he constantly puts her down she will not like him and she will not respect him because she knows that he has no respect for her. But, for example, my mom used to watch I Love Lucy and Alfred Hitchcock Presents late at night, and during the summers, Id stay up late, and I gradually developed a taste for both of them. Things like going for ice cream. The LW should do some serious work in building the bond, and working on her marriage, but I would make sure that the dad is putting in just as much effort. It may be up to this mom to protect her daughter, especially if the fights she describes keep getting worse. A game of Munchkin would be fun for all its geek references for you, and is playful enough that your husband might enjoy it. Your dad was probably not rolling his eyes and making disparaging remarks about your interests. I dont care if they actually do or not, hes the adult and shes the kid here, so he needs to act like it. Thats still not OK. But my parents both made an effort to do lots of family things together, even if my brother and I didnt want to. That was my guess too. She's madly in love with him but it seems he's no nearer to noticing her feelings than he was when she started. Jake O'Kane: Is the DUP really going to sink the Assembly and reject the Windsor Framework? . You raised a very good point that I didnt even mention. ! He rolls his eyes and tries to get them to stop talking about stuff that theyre interested in. I think theres something to be said for being well-rounded. Good stuff all around! He liked baseball and trivia and languages and anthropology all stuff I didnt really care about. Here are 5 common ways I unintentionally pushed my husband away. She can only control her own behaviour, which is why Wendy is addressing hers and not his. Other times it means standing up for yourself and telling both sides what you think. I agree with you, again. This is exactly my experience, too. Sounds to me like not only is dad not interested in or even bothering to take an interest in any of his daughters interests, but he also disparages them and her calling her uninformed, lacking initiative and uncompetitive and bitches because she isnt more like what he wants her to be like. My other daughter moved out recently into a flat-share with some friends. Im guessing the teen might be into the more recent iterations of Star Trek, the latest movies to come out of that franchise. I was born in 87 so grew up in the 90s, yet was still exposed to a LOT of 80s pop culture through reruns and radio and older peers. No one ever said that being a parent would be easy, and when your husband and daughter dont get along, it can be especially difficult. 6napkinburger My father only wanted sons, so he decided that his daughters were going to get into sports, hunting, home repair television shows and walks in the woods. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Another possibility is that her husband doesnt understand how to connect with his daughter on an emotional level. He would watch Full House or something with us. But mom, dont do the us versus him. My Dad and I had similar interests so it was real easy to build a relationship with him with my sister not so much, he didnt know how to relate to her as she had all the same interests as my mother. Way to become a teenager yourself dad. July 2, 2013, 11:04 am. He wants to force his daughter to conform to the kind of person who enjoys the things that he does, and cutting her down for not being competitive (which usually means involved in team sports) and forcing her to do homework to his liking is not the same as an involved parent working to help his child become well rounded. So, encourage her to spend time with him. As a counterpoint, I loved all the things my dad liked and he tried to do things I liked. Maybe they both like pizza or Indian food or something; then Dad can take her out to dinner or cook with her. Without respect there will be no relationship. Especially a board game like Cranium where everyone can shine in what theyre good at, and it can be good to pair up with someone youre different from. Hes putting her down. How does an interest in science and creativity equal boring? How about trying to find an interest that all 3 of you could enjoy together? Thats probably what her daughter is reacting to, and she probably sees her father as a bully. 2.5K views, 176 likes, 19 loves, 3 comments, 12 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Inframundo Relatos: SPOTIFY:. At this age I wouldnt try to force her to do activities she doesnt like because it just results in lots of anger and bad attitude and whining. The Substitute Wife: My Poor Husband is a Billionaire novel Chapter 89 Take Them All Away . He had an inflated sense of self-importance that led him to believe he was superior and entitled to only the best. I get that maybe he feels like an alien within you & daughters girl bubble, but the way to fix that is not to strong-arm her into liking National Geographic. Youre bonding with your daughter at the expense of the relationship with your husband. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com. And something about him wanting the daughter to be more competitive just struck me the wrong way. I was struck by the fact that your husbands eye-rolling is the number one signifier of contempt an emotion that is known to signal marital unraveling and other relationship dissolution. I would call that well-rounded. Hmm, Im getting a different vibe from this letter than Wendy is? Theyre bonding against him because hes being hurtful to both of them. If she likes Star Trek and Firefly and he likes science they might both like going to a science museum. Its so longgggggggg! But that means he has to find something that *will* interest her, which means hes got to make some effort as well. Honestly, it doesnt dominate my life My improv group had NO idea I was into Star Wars until it came up in a scene and my knowledge of it was rather startling to ALL involved. I read baby sitter club books and was part of the official fan club. Its also important to take into account your daughters age and stage of development. And yeh I hated going to home depot with my dad but I know a lot more about home maintenance than some people. They Dont Want Their Marriage To End Up Like Yours, 4. lets_be_honest Hed come out and hit the ball or play catch or Horse. But I agree with everything else you said. I notice my 14-year-old daughter and her 17-year-old brother, enemies of old, enjoying a detente in the TV room over Xbox and popcorn. Those twin feelings are what create the strong urge to come back with intense commitment after each escape.. Within a year of this, my dad became abusive. This can be a normal and healthy part of adolescence, but it can also be painful for parents who feel like they are losing the close relationship they once had with their child. He never rolled his eyes at me or made me feel less because of what I liked. If your teenager is starting to pull away, it is important to resist the urge to panic or try to force them to spend more time with you. I didnt say she was liking or disliking things to get close to her daughter. I didnt get the sense that the LW is only liking or disliking things to get closer to her daughter. Perhaps the dad needs his own assignments on theater, literature and pop culture? He started throwing me out at 13 for reasons like my friend being weird, my hair being weird, my music being terrible, etc. July 2, 2013, 11:03 am. Id hate it if a parent did that to me and Id hate it if my partner did that to me too. I dont know if its The Best thing, but its very important and Im glad for all the things he exposed me to. So is telling your daughter that the things she listens to or your conversations are annoying. Unfortunately, the old woman fell ill, and Janet had to marry a worthless man in place of her parents' biological daughter to meet the maid's medical expenses. Please dont suggest counseling communication is not an issue, as we have talked about these problems over and over. Maybe raising a daughter with a social perspective. Your biggest enemy when your spouse is driving you crazy is proximity. I had loving parents, and I thought Wendy was off and the dad seems a bit off and sounds degrading. Sorry but I dont understand why you married him. "I cant win for losing. Her mission is to share practical and realistic parenting advice to help the parenting community becoming stronger. Saying later that night will you ask the spagetti head to pass the salt IS making fun of their child and it is healthy. Last weekend she wanted to spend time just the two of us so I found a great B-and-B and set up a romantic weekend. In the last 2-3 years my husband and daughter have has a strained and tense relationship because of her actions and his attitude. I think you are probably right. Seeing him cultivate her interests and introduce her to things I never would have has been a blessing. And every once in a while, he needs to do something he doesnt like because SHE wants to do it, and he loves her. He is also very critical of both of us, but particularly of her lack of competitiveness (she hates team sports, and takes archery and piano but only for fun), lack of initiative, and being uninformed, to the extent that he gives her assignments, like reading articles from National Geographic and discussing them with him, which, of course, she resents. You know what, I thought you were going to lay in hard when I first started reading, and I was thinking to myself Oh fuck, hes going to hit on all her worst innermost thoughts and shes just going to run screaming away from DW but frankly, I think you are completely right. I think the bottom line is that she is twelve- all of her interests could change in a year or two. Hed had a lot to drink and wanted sex right then. Things they like, things they sorta like, things they dont like. You're surely not alone. I think what Wendy is missing in her response is dealing with the fathers attitude towards his daughters interests. When I surprised her with it, she told me that we dont have any friends and why would I think that shed want to waste a whole weekend in some hotel when we could be painting the bedroom and actually accomplishing something. And disparaging his daughters interests is the absolute wrong way to go about that. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_10',130,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0');You feel yourself in big trouble when suddenly your husband and daughter are caught in the middle of a nasty argument. (directed at the view in general, not you Fabelle) Am I not a read mid-twentysomething because I like them? So, here is the thing. Middle schoolers and initially, I tried to explain the history of the Salem witch trials as well as McCarthyism before we read the play. I was just trying to say basically the same thing, but it got all garbled. July 2, 2013, 12:15 pm. July 2, 2013, 4:01 pm. Camping and hiking which FRANKLY are much better for her both physically and psychologically in the long run. It was nothing but glassy-eyed stares and yawning. Not from Scranton either! That being said, its important to have fun hobbies, and I agree with their is a balance. July 2, 2013, 12:12 pm. He's clearly not interested in her and I don't want to look stupid when I ask him. Mother of a Fangirl. Tell them in detail what you like about them. She gets too invested in her daughters life. Its already happening. The first theory is that her husband is jealous of the close relationship she has with their daughter. So sad. Husbands can inadvertently drive their daughters away by overstepping boundaries, being too critical, or taking on too much control. I was like 7.) I firmly believe that there is no such thing as reading too much. Heck, I even had a stringer attached to my waders. Maybe not, though. I was able to read teen magazines but they made sure it was balanced. Theres no excuse for that. bittergaymark She may not be interested in that stuff NOW, but it can sure come in handy later. For some reason I keep imagining LWs husband as Red Foreman and her daughter as Eric. He is also very critical of both of us, but particularly of her lack of competitiveness (she hates team sports, and takes archery and piano but only for fun), lack of initiative, and being uninformed,, Yep. This is a throw away account. bittergaymark But those are not her interests right now, although she does participate when he asks her to. Addie Pray But since we dont know which type of person the girls father is (bullying and hurtful, or rude/stubborn yet ultimately well-meaning) I think its helpful that people who had experience in this issue can comment. This day is going down in history as the first day that Ive ever agreed with every single word youve said, BGM. Yeah, in retrospect, it probably would have been better for me to join a team sport I actually wanted too, but 7th grade me was too shy to do it. We cant watch anything on TV or listen to anything in the car related to her interests while hes around, and if we are talking about something he will sometimes break in and tell us to stop because it annoys him. I do understand how easily this Mom couldve gotten caught up in her ways of teaming up with the kid. Seriously? So yes, foster her interests, but cultivate in her an ability to relate to other people and appreciate their interests too. He. More my daughter is a student and is not working right now, so i don't have her paying. Honestly, I think those first two sentences were the best point Wendy made. If you have a question for me about relationships, addiction, dating, friendship, depression, sex, consent, what I'm watching, what I'm reading, Black Agate, or anything at all, use the contact form below or email me at askerin@ravishly.com. All of these are better that watching the Kardashians find new ways to make money or reading magazines that criticize stars beach bodies. He still clips those articles, and even though he and I are a ways apart politically, I can always trust them to have something well-reasoned and thoughtful to say. J said the shows and books listed are things mature, intelligent adults like. Frankly, I dont know ANYBODY who had such strange mutual worships WITH their parents I dunno, back in the 1980s most parents were actually grown ups, I guess. bittergaymark I guess all dads watch that Wow, you just brought back memories! But he can be a great dad regardless. Listen, this dad sounds exactly like my dad when I was 12, down to insisting I be more competitive, and why cant I play sports, and so on. My mom and I were not friends like this, and she let my dads bullying escalate to keep the peace. I agree, of course people can be smart and informed and still like other stuff too. Eventually I grew up and learned to appreciate these things, and I can look back and say wow, my dad was so great and modeled the type of behavior I should show. Also, my father took me to the new Disney movie every year. If one of them moves over 100 miles away, then the arrangement changes to each meeting half way. July 2, 2013, 11:13 am. Great suggestion! I do that with everyone I know who likes baseball, which probably makes me annoying, but its what I do. I do also believe that your husband really does need to at least embrace a couple of her interest if he wants her to embrace the things he likes. Ask the GP: Could taking statins affect your dreams? ! And they were kind of blas, like, Oh, we didnt? There are also a bunch of shows on the history channel or the science channel about science-fiction kind of stuff. Plus, I like Rick Castle. On a side note, two weekends ago I went on a family camping trip. I would challenge anyone who would suggest that the genre is a waste of time. My grandparents have a VHS of her wishing my cousin and I happy birthday. (My parents zydeco phase was an odd one.) My junior daughter does & my husband complains all the time that she has no need for a cellphone except when she is driving. One other thought is that, maybe this really isnt about the daughter, but about her and her husband, she references herself a lot in this letter, and maybe she really has a problem with the way he treats her, but she just doesnt want to admit it. Yikes, I shouldve known better than to comment on a cult show Sorry! Ross was telling me the other day that his dad took him deep sea fishing a couple times when he was younger. Though they might not always like what they hear or see, they are not typically faced with unexpected surprises or unpredictable outcomes. My dad actually doesnt have a whole lot of interests, and if he does, he doesnt like them enough to pursue them. To me, I imagined them insisting on listening to Buffy podcasts in the car Something that would make me either toss the ipod out the window or leave certain people at the curb, painted_lady He's always putting him down. Its not your fault if your partner and daughter dont get along. July 2, 2013, 1:18 pm, Um, both piano recitals and spelling bees are CONSTRUCTIVE activities Fangirling? If you find that the conflict is escalating or if there is name-calling or other disrespectful behavior, its time to intervene. My point is, you have cultivated these interests in your daughter. HA! Agree i cant imagine being receptive to spending time with my dad when it consists of him mocking what my 12-year old self likes AND assigning me reading assignments. You can look at him as a mean bully, like you do, or an involved father who is trying to raise a well rounded child. He's worked extremely hard for as long as I have known him, and provided a good home for me and our three children. What this may be in your husband's case is anyone's guess. What To Do When My Husband Is Driving My Daughter Away? When I was growing up, I always watched The Andy Grifith Show, My Three Sons, and Leave it to Beaver, because those were the shows that were on, and I love those shows, but my father didnt force me to watch them, it was just what was on TV at the time. I was thinking this too. My parents are/were anti-intellectual, though, and wouldnt let me go see ballets, theatre productions, or hit up museums because I was trying to put on airs. WTF youre her mother not her BFF get it together and help your husband round her out! (To be fair, I tried a couple of months ago when we started dating, but i couldnt understand a word during the fight scene, it was late and there was another 1.5 hours, so he turned it off so I could give it my full attention next time.) It actually kind of rocks once you get passed the first 20 mins (or watch them with subtitles). Like I said, I consider myself a mature, intelligent adult, yet I read People magazine. July 2, 2013, 4:12 pm, See, I think that is horrible of your stepfather. When I asked why she didn't say something to him then, she said that they only ever talk about college stuff and the moment never seems to be quite right. He also occasionally went to movies with us. I understand how you might be torn how easy it might be to embrace every second you have with her when you know all too soon, shell outgrow her fangirl stage, or at the very least, embrace additional teen-related obsessions, thereby reducing the time she cares to spend with you, and then soon after shell be leaving you and heading off for adventures of her own, away from you and her dad. I watched it when I was a kid. Find a common ground youve got to. Yeah, I wasnt responding so much to Mark re: sports but to culture as a whole. One of these people is an adult and one of these people is twelve. How to Convince a Senior to Stop Driving. I think this is what the LW needs to communicate to her husband. As time went by, your belief that you had any influence at all was fading. I agree Dad needs to work on himself and his approach, but Mom definitely does too. In that instance, it is terrible timing and the dad should have listened to Indie when he came in in an emergency and the dad should have helped then and done the latin lesson later, but if that was a normal day home from scouting, then good for dad, because indie totally used that information later in life, even though it was annoying (and seemingly aloof) of his dad to be so demanding. The daughter goes hiking, but the father cant say anything nice when his daughter talks about her interests. Im supposed to make sure shes taking care of herself and shes so grateful that someone cares that much, and the next day Im trying to 'control' her.

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