why do serial cheaters want to stay married

The pig is there wallowing in the mud with other pigs. They'll even put in the effort to help your relationship overcome this rough spot. You doubt everything your spouse has ever told you. Lets take a look at some of the most common answers to this big confusing question Why do cheating husbands stay married to their wives? That's pretty much it. Fast forward to the tenth time she hooks up with Prince Charmings best friend, and Cinderella doesnt give a single damn. She will misread and interpret everything to suit her. Sometimes the simplest answers say the most. "Cheating can be emotional, and/or physical. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. I tried talking to her and being nice but she was just too stupid to get it. If your partner cheated one time, it may be more shocking to you to find out since they were likely much more open with you from the very beginning. Alternating between feeling numb and striking out in retaliation. Married men have affairs for many reasons. These serial cheaters are opportunistic predators. They dont think of it as a sinful act theyre doing. He doesnt want to leave his home, his family, and the life that hes grown accustomed to. This man was very nice. Weight loss and improvement in your appearance (sign ). Oh Eyes, I am so, so sorry if I made you feel bad You know that was NOT my intention. I would ask him point blank if there is any reason for her to be continuing to pursue this so aggressively. Maybe they just had the opportunity and decided to go for it. So SR to answer your question. Zeynep Yenisey. Yet he still helped out. To quote facebook, If you want to act single, be single. 13 Things to Consider, 2. No unnecessary contact and that includes you too, although I subscribe to keep you friends close, keep your enemies closer. Personally I believe its the latter. The affair started when her marriage was already falling apart. The rest of the details that you provide indicate the typical predator/prey dynamic that narcissists thrive on. Unfortunately though, I had to let the ea run its course, there was nothing I could say or do that would make my h leave his skank, there was nothing I could do or say to skank to leave my h alone either. One-time cheaters are less likely to manipulate your relationship in a way that suits their needs. There is a saying, once a cheater, always a cheater. PPS- Now all of us here have decided for one reason or another to continue to leave our wagons hooked to people who obviously have deep character flaws. If he were single and dating, this would not go over well. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. Maybe I stumbled across a Women Only/Hate Men article. In the beginning of every relationship, there's a honeymoon phase when everything's coming up roses, and you can't keep your hands off each other. They forget they mess with fire, they will get burnt. I remember when my husband told me that story about her very recently. I have been on high alert for signs but have found none. Ohh and she also, had my h listen to one of their conversations on speaker, while she was talking to her exh. Boy what I would do to turn back the clock and call him on the carpet the first day my spidey senses tingled, which was over a year ago. So in all the cases the husband is unappreciated by the cold, frigid wife, all the OW have husbands/boyfriends who drink, abuse them, gamble, whatever the excuse to justify. If a person is unable to control their impulses, they may be more likely to cheat. Thanks everyone for your wisdom, kindness and time SR, TH, SP and Gizfield. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". I felt utterly trapped. 3. The passion or excitement may be lacking in their marriage, even if everything else is going great. However, human behavior is always complex and a myriad of factors play into the decisions people make, for the better or for the worse. I mean who really wants to be with someone who is always complaining and continues to live in such a seemingly miserable existance if all their complaints about their spouses are true. Keep in mind, they're chronic liars, but they're not smarter than everyone else. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. If your girlfriend cheats on you once, odds are shell cheat on you again, and again, and again, because according to a new study, the more times a person cheats and subsequently lies about it, the less guilty they feel about it, so the more likely they are to do it again, over and over. She forgave him once, twice, three times, surly he wouldnt think she was dumb enough to forgive him again? Same here. She explained that this question, though a valid and rational reaction, is certainly a hard one to answer. These ow, dont care who they roll over to get what they want. (I mean, the stereotype is that men want the variety that another woman provides and that women embark on this path because their husbands cannot meet their emotional needs.). Certainly got the part that the assistant you hired was not the OW. They found him and he found them. I did it all by myself. I am angered that your in-laws treat you badly and that the OW is even seen at family functions. The whore playbook seems to tell them to keep pressing until the caves during a weak time in his life. Eyes You are not alone. But, I am always extremely nice to her and everyone else at the office. In other words, theyre gifted with charm and rhetoric and what to say, others not so much. History goes along way for a wife, and a husband, we wives know everything there is to know about our husbands, and they know all there is to know about us. I would not have guessed that and have not found it in prior literature. It was apparent she knew he had done this before and instead of blaming him and looking at what part he had, she was lashing out and blaming you for all of it. 7 Things To Note If You Have A Cheating Partner, How To Cope With Anxiety After Husbands Affair, How to Combat the 5 Glaring Effects of Anxiety After Infidelity. He wont have a bar of it, we are married for 23 yrs, not 21, you have always been my wife and the one I love lol. I think theyre nervous giggles after being spoken to by TH. my AP was my first boyfriend, my first lover, I truly thought he was my soulmate, one true love for YEARS. As there are no plans of exit and they dont have any powerful path where they can stay, they just manage to understand their partner and stay married. He may see that the affair was shallow, but his marriage is real. (The thing that works in my favor is my husband secretly hates that type of personality, but again, he is nice to everyone and makes sure to avoid conflict). Each time she says that, I suggest a one-to-one coffee for just us girls and suggest a time. Trying hard, my first husband was an alcoholic, and you are right about the backsliding. These traits just make him more than likely to have affairs and continue having them. I dont care how ignorant they are. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. Inability to stop scanning for any new data that might cause more distress. Your husband is NOT one of the incorrigibles. I think serial cheaters are the same way, even when they arent doing anything they are just one step away from it. They are the weak injured idiots at the back of the pack, waiting to be be taken down. As a friend who goes to alanon says: You did not cause that persons problem, you did not create their issues in their life, and you cannot control that persons life in a way that brings them goodness, or otherwise solves their issues.. Thank you for sharing those tips. 2010-2019 Emotional Affair Journey. Just found out about my husbands second sexual affair. If I call him o text him at work, he answers. Anyone can be unfaithful, but while you shouldn't necessarily base your judgments off of the stereotypical cheats you see depicted in Hollywood, there are some common personality traits cheaters share. Id be gone, settled and almost a year into getting my life in order. They say that in the fire, the gold is separated from the dross. In fact, Darn says they might make it a point early on to make themselves as hard to pin down as possible. This is what happened to my single friend who got pulled into a relationship with a pig who would not commit to anyone and who collected as many women as possible. These types do not scare off just because you two pronounce your happy marriage. We found ways of travelling together and being in one anothers company as much as possible. I have four of these traits, but at a very low level. Your AP just doesnt sound like a very nice person, honestly. Cheating is inherently capitalist in nature, which is one of the reasons why I'll argue for it being universal, especially in the age of Snapchat, Tinder, Facebookany populist platform . I have never been one to appreciate attached men who act single. My hope is that the affair was the catalyst for them to work on a marriage that clearly wasnt dead (as has happened with my h and I ). Deception is the key part of cheating. As Tina B. Tessina, aka Dr. If it walks like a jerk and talks like a jerk, ITS A JERK! How and why did it end and who ended it? Im just as happy talking to someone once a year as I am every day. I have observed that when men have affairs, they start to find flaws in the partners personalities to feel better. "Calling out the wrong name in the heat of passion is a faux pas that's hard to backpedal," Winter explained, while pet names are easy to remember. If Id had a history of cheating, he would be just another one, and not special;. "A cheater keeps their cards close to their chest.". Behavioral baseline & past actions: Peoples past actions usually dictate future behavior. Unless you absolutely cannot get over the fact that your partner cheated, a one-time thing doesn't automatically have to mean the end. When they are thinkin with the brain in their tail , all bets are off because tail brains are no good for thinkin.. The only time it stopped, was when we had moved, but it took another four months before he did tell her that she had to stop, because he was not going to leave his wife and family. So, to me there is absolutely no ambiguity as to her intentions and that is what I needed to see. But, his adrenaline seeking behavior usually extends to his love life and he finds the challenge of conquering new women intoxicating. His wife should ditch him, in my opinion. Some unfaithful serial cheaters still do love their partners for some reason. So, my husband is charming like that, but with everyone, even if they are 90-year-old men who are wheelchair bound. She claims that he is the sole heir to a banking fortune. No wins for the other woman, and 23 it is for you and your husband! Brent, Another one of the most common reasons cheating husbands stay married is fear of what they might be losing. So, he was sitting there thinking, just like the big, bad wolf in sheeps clothing, ohh, the better to fool you with, my dear!. Using a licensed therapist as a sounding board as you work your way towards a decision will be the best move you can make in this situation. This is especially true as they get older and wonder whether theyre still desirable. Each and every one of the men I've met who fall into this category realize that if their wife discovered their infidelity that she would be very . He was smiling and making small talk and invading my personal space. I was completely bowled over. Im just going to always listen to my gut and see the red flags as real and not doubt my own intuition. After I found out about my h ea, we were shy off 21 yrs married, I didnt even think we would get the chance to celebrate that mile stone, but we did. The something more they crave could be excitement, support, sex or any other need that they believe their wives are just not able to provide. None the less, here we are, still fighting our way through all the crap the ea has thrown at us, and surely but slowly, seeing the fruits of all our hard work. By the way, my best friend of thirty years said the same thing about taking the B out to the parking lot to settle it once and for all. Its bad enough when a spouse cheats on their partner one time. said cheaters will sometimes lay the groundwork for future lies ahead of time in order to cover their tracks later on in the relationship. You replay loops in your mind, perhaps scenes of what youve discovered, or imagine scenes of what you will discover if you dig deep enough. I truly believe shes a very nice person who got sucked in by a self serving narcissist. The Top 10 Reasons to Leave Your Affair Partner Now, Should You Stay Or Should You Go? You might recall this trick of the trade from the 2006 teen dramedy "John Tucker Must Die," but apparently the three-time cheater's strategy of calling his three girlfriends "baby" and "sweetheart" wasn't just clever writing, it's a legitimate tactic cheaters use to make sure they aren't mixing up your name with their other partner's name. I learned much later that he took that to mean that I accepted the blame for the whole affair.! They will not own their actions. The truth is. Even so, he keeps on cheating again and again because of two reasons they cant live without it and they know they can get away with it. Relationship counselor and clinical sexologist Dr. Martha Tara Lee of. "Your partner doesn't want you to see their private activity, and therefore is purposefully excluding you from a vital portion of their lives." When she realised that she was losing her grip on him, she decided to tell him, that she would be happy to raise his children, so he could have them with him. I cannot tell you how many of my husbands female co-workers I have had to warn away in some way or another. The woman I hired and fired was not the AP. (I wasnt married to my ex which shouldnt have made a difference but it did, his refusal to commit made me rethink my faithfulness.) Well, I guess the saying once a cheater, always a cheater is pretty credible after all. So watch for red flags like walking into another room to take calls, answering late-night texts, or keeping their phone faced down on the table whenever you're around. Unstable emotional regulation. When he wanted an ego boost,some drama, and a nice piece of ass, call gizfield, day or night cause she loves you and will come running. Learn how your comment data is processed. Turns out once a cheater, always a cheater is true. When we assume "once a cheater, always a cheater," we deeply underestimate people's ability to change, said Tammy Nelson, a couples therapist and the author of The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity. There are plenty of men who run off and cheat on their wives, creating another relationship before leaving. He IS a tosser! (Only no one will know it!). The ow, we talk about, are the ones that have no conscience, who seek out married men to manipulate and take the life of the unsuspecting wife. They like deceit. My h knew before how much he meant to me, and now he knows even more, and he shows me more than ever before. This is deplorable. Id known my personal turd since I was 15 and he was 17. On the other hand, if there is another person who has no boundaries in his or her behavior and then has most of these traits and then allows these traits to take over his personality, then he is going to be highly likely to cheat. I thought through this, and decided it was an exceptionally clever tactic. Serial cheaters consistently cheat on their partners, even when they're in committed, monogamous relationships. Serial cheaters enjoy all of these benefits, plus the sexual freedom of a . And by the way, I do not blame his other girlfriend for doing those things because I got to experience through my friend the level of mind-f****ing this guy used in order to keep his victims close at hand. One-time cheaters, if they're truly remorseful, will own up to their mistakes. Matter of fact it makes him that much more appealing. He's looking for something new. BTW we have had the no opposite-sex rules of no lunches, no texting without disclosure of whats going on, but he does not ever at all follow the rules except the lunch one. I am fine, I knew along time ago, that she must have had an eye on my h, just by the rumours her h apparently spread about her. Does he seem sincere and willing to change? "I Can't Afford to Take Care of Myself". Heh heh. I have thought about how he might have gone about it if he had wanted to, and I am coming up blank. Even in a happy marriage, men may cheat for many reasons. Some common reactions to this trauma include: Your brain slows everything down so that you are able to take it all in slowly, trying to minimize the horror of what your partner has done. Not wishing to stir but I do wonder how many BSs on this site are being hoodwinked into believing that this was their hs first crime, when actually there were more that were never disclosed? if someone is sleeping with multiple partners. Victims of cheating narcissists tirelessly look for concrete proof, but you could try for years without catching a slip-up. Thanks again for the feedback really appreciate it. My ex-husband was cheating from day 1 as well. I do not want to confront her because I think that could endanger my husbands job if she went to HR and she is the type who goes to HR and launches lawsuits on a whim.

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